you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
