They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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