You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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