He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
