new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
