let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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