so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think a kid would responsible me up
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
