You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So much rum. So many feels.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
