Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
