I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
