Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
