Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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