Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
