Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
whose parrot is this?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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