Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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