My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
