All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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