ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were trust falling into bushes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
