I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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