Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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