i can't believe i had my finger in that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
