I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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