in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
