ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want to make out with him forever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
