I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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