he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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