i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
