How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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