It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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