Can i not drive my cunt home
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
