considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
