Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
