Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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