you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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