I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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