clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
