Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
