That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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