when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
