Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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