: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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