woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
