Are we in a gay sports bar?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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