You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
