Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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