Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think people are normalizing furries
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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