i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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