So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
