i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
