Duck Duck Cougar?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
