sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
