I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize