It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
