Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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