I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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