I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
