i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
