Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
