No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
