So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
