Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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