??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
