hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
