You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
