i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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