sick fucks of a feather flock together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
