I want to have your abortion
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
