Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
