i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
