hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
