brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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