help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize